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  I nodded my head, wanting to throttle this arrogant son-of-a-bitch. “Okay. I get it.”

  “Yes. We link the intense fear of something with the sexual longings. The goal is that the patient will always think of the spiders whenever he thinks of kissing an older man.”

  “Is that what you were doing with that boy on the balcony?”

  “Yes. Dr. Schultz has just begun training with the aversion therapy, so he was the one who was doing that. It’s very effective. We cannot divulge too much about that boy’s therapy, of course, but, yes, making him go out on the balcony is extremely effective. It always is with individuals who have a fear of heights.”

  “And the disgust? What does that entail?”

  “Disgust is another stimuli that is very effective in aversion therapy. People are disgusted by all different kinds of things. Most people are disgusted by the sight of human feces, so we juxtapose pictures of things like feces with sexual imagery. Sometimes we show pictures of people with their legs amputated, or a video of a complicated surgery involving a lot of blood, and we use those images to go with the sexual imagery. That really works well with people who are afraid of the sight of blood. Sometimes people get very freaked out about horror movies, such as Saw. They can’t handle the sight of people being tortured on screen. That’s a very effective movie for us to use in that case – we show some of the most graphic scenes from that movie and juxtapose that with sexual imagery.”

  I blinked my eyes. I had the unmistakable feeling that this man, this Dr. Woods, was a sadist. He was talking about his aversion therapy as if he was remembering a really good dream. He was smiling the entire time he was describing the heinous ways that he and Dr. Schultz tried to get gay kids to stop being gay.

  “What about snuff films?” I asked him calmly.

  “Snuff films?”

  “Yeah. You know, films where the person is actually tortured and killed on-screen. Those kinds of films. Surely you have access to them.”

  “Snuff films…” He looked like he would actually consider them. “Those aren’t legal, unfortunately. But if they were, they would be the ultimate in aversion therapy.”

  Those aren’t legal, unfortunately. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. This guy was for real. If there was any doubt in my mind that this man was a sadist, he just removed it completely.

  “What about killing a gay kid?” I blurted out. “Since these kids are so damaged?”

  He furrowed his brows. “I’m sorry?”

  “Just wondering.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Ms. Ross, why do I have the feeling that you don’t have a child who is gay?”

  I straightened my spine, cursing myself. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

  “No, I do. Have a child who is gay.”

  “Well, surely you aren’t insinuating that we advocate murder here in this clinic?” Dr. Woods looked genuinely confused.

  “No, I don’t. I’m so sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”

  “Okay.” Dr. Woods shook his head. “Well, please, if you would like to make an appointment for your boy, then please do. It is after-hours, so we don’t have our receptionist here, but you can make an appointment with Dr. Schultz or myself. Would you like that?”

  “I’ll be in touch,” I said. “Thank you very much for your time in meeting with me. I would imagine that there is some kind of a fee for my office visit.”

  “Yes. We charge $150 for this consultation. You can put it on a credit card.”

  I got out my debit card and Dr. Schultz ran it.

  “Thanks,” I said as Dr. Schultz gave me back my card. “I’ll just show myself out.”

  “Please come back,” Dr. Schultz said. “We really do good work here.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  As I left, I realized that I needed a hot shower. Being in there made me feel really dirty.

  I GOT home and booted up my email. I immediately saw one from Alexis, and I clicked on it. “Please call me whenever you get this.” That was all it said.

  I called her. “Alexis, this is Harper. I got your email. What’s going on?”

  “Something has happened,” she said. “You need to come and see me tonight.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  I didn’t bother to call Alexis. I just headed over to her office. I had no idea, no clue, on what was going on. I only knew that something had happened. Something big. Huge, maybe.

  Alexis’ office was downtown. She was a partner in a large law firm, and when she did the work as a Guardian Ad Litem, she did it on a pro bono basis and it counted towards the pro bono hours that she was required to complete every year for her firm.

  Washington, Park and Huffington was the largest firm in the city – some 600 attorneys worked for the Kansas City branch of the firm, doing mainly defense work for large corporations. When there was a merger with two behemoths, Washington Park was sure to be one of the firms guiding the merger. When there was a products liability class action case, Washington Park was the firm that was defending the corporation. That was what they did, and the lawyers all got paid top dollar for doing it.

  I personally felt that these lawyers were selling their souls for a buck, and what they did disgusted me. There were many law school colleagues who dreamed of doing environmental law, and they got a job with Washington Park where they did environmental law, all right – defending the polluters. It was their job to hire the big guns – the high-dollar expert witnesses – that were, in turn, used to squash the little guy who had been wronged. Plus, their lawyers didn’t see the inside of a courtroom for a decade after they got out of school. Most of the attorneys did little but legal research for their bosses, maybe write a motion and a petition or two. Yet they all worked 70+ hours per week. I could think of nothing more soulless and stressful than working for Washington Park or any other firm that was as big.

  As for Alexis, her main job was in the pharmaceutical division. If there was a class-action lawsuit regarding a drug, she was one of the ones who would be working on it. She was even one of the attorneys who was on the other side of my drug class-action suit, and she was one of the ones who got the whole thing overturned on appeal.

  Washington Park occupied the top three levels of a 50 story high-rise, which was one of the tallest buildings in the city. The building was all blue glass and steel, and the bottom level of the building was basically a shopping mall. There was a food court on the bottom level, along with about fifty shops.

  I got to the elevator and pushed it. This was the elevator that only went to the top 25 floors, so it rapidly bypassed the bottom 25 floors and, before I knew it, I was on the 49th floor. I walked through the enormous double-glass doors, with the logo of the firm etched in the doors in gold, and stopped at the round desk in the lobby. A bored-looking blonde woman, dressed in a simple white blouse and black skirt, with a headset on, looked at me. “Can I help you?” She asked.

  “Yes, I’m here to see Alexis Winters, please.”

  “Are you Harper Ross?” she asked. “She said that Harper Ross is to go to her office right away. No matter who she has back there. But she’s in a meeting right now, so it will be just a minute or two before she is finished with her current clients.”

  I nodded. This sounded important. Whatever she was going to tell me was something that was extremely critical. I just had the feeling. “Thank you. By the way, who are the clients who are in her office right now?”

  She shrugged. “Two representatives from Bayer. She’s working up a defense for a major class-action lawsuit against them.” She touched the phone, said a few words to Alexis, and then looked at me. “She’ll be right out.”

  I sat down and flipped through a magazine. My mind was racing on what was going on. Perhaps this whole thing was a trap for me. Alexis gets me here and ambushes me somehow. I couldn’t imagine how, though. I was already out on bail. If she wanted me to be arrested, that wouldn’t work.

  Been there, done that.

  No,
there was something else in the air. I knew it. I could feel it.

  After a few minutes, Alexis appeared in the lobby. “Harper,” she said. “Come with me. Thank you for coming in so soon.”

  I nodded and followed her back through the maze of offices and cubicles. I marveled when I looked into some of the offices, which were enormous and had the most unbelievable view of the city that I had ever seen.

  Alexis’ office was one of the larger ones. It was an almost perfect meld of old and new. Her desk was curved and made of green glass with steel legs. On one of the walls of the enormous room were modern art paintings that were in the cubist style, and, on the other wall, there was a floor to ceiling bookcase that had every law book imaginable on it. The office was also bordered by a wall of windows, floor to ceiling.

  I sat down in the plush red chair that was across from her desk and waited for her to talk to me about what was going on. I noticed that she looked extremely pale and her hands were shaking. “Harper,” she finally said, as she lifted a glass of water to her lips. “Something has happened with the Browns.”

  “What happened?”

  “Seth Brown killed Marina right after the hearing. He turned himself in this evening. I got word about it and immediately called you.”

  My heart suddenly sunk, and I nodded. “I, I, I…” I lost my words and shook my head. What I was going to say was that I wasn’t surprised. The erratic way that Seth acted told me he was an unhinged individual. A ticking time bomb that was going to go off at just any second.

  “I know. I’m sure that you’re not surprised. He also beat his son so badly that he’s currently in the hospital in critical condition. He’s not expected to make it through the night.”

  I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I do.” She laid her hand on mine, both of our hands on her desk. “You’re a hero for doing what you did. I’ve had to reevaluate just about everything that I’ve ever learned and held dear for so long. I try to do the best job that I can for these kids. But I’m blinded, just like everyone else, to certain things. I just figured that the Browns were respectable members of society. They’re active in their church, they give to charity. I didn’t listen to you about what was going on over there, and for that, I’m very sorry.”

  I bit my bottom lip. “So…”

  “It goes without saying that I’m going to talk to the prosecutor on your case and encourage him to drop the kidnapping charges. That won’t be a problem. And it goes without saying that the Family Court Judge won’t hold you in contempt for hiding the girls. And I also want you to know that if you want to renew your effort to adopt the girls, I won’t stand in your way. You showed that you have their best interests at heart much more than I did, I’m afraid to say.”

  As her words settled in, I couldn’t help but feel mixed. I was beyond happy that I was possibly going to be able to adopt the girls. And that I wasn’t going to jail. But there was a woman who was dead. I closed my eyes and saw her terrified face and I shuddered. I didn’t even want to think about how much she had suffered when she was living with that monster. How anguished she must have been, seeing her son following in his father’s footsteps. I could feel her despair in my bones, and my blood chilled just thinking about her.

  I opened my eyes and smiled at Alexis. “Thank you, Alexis, for that. I should have you know, however, that my demons came back after I lost the girls the first time. I’ve struggled with alcoholism for a number of years, and I’ve beaten it back time and again. But-“

  “I know.” Alexis nodded her head. “I know about your bender. I didn’t want to say anything, though. It does concern me, I won’t lie. But after this incident…” She picked up a paper weight and examined it carefully. “I at least know that you’re willing to go to jail to protect them. You probably were even ready to go to prison for them. That means something. You’re not perfect, nobody is, but I’d like to ask you one thing. And that’s if you go on another bender, you need to call me. I won’t keep the kids with you if you do that. I believe that you will be open with me about that. You’re good people, Harper. And those girls do love you too. I know that. When I took them out of your house, you were all that they talked about. They look up to you. That’s obvious. So, please, Harper, get those kids out of hiding and file a petition with the court. I’ll recommend that the adoption go through.”

  “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just say that you’re going to get that petition together today, and get into court at the first available date. You’re going to have to have that home study again, of course, so be ready for that.”

  I stood up to leave. “I’ll do that, and thanks. I would say that you’ve made my day, but a woman is dead. A boy is near death. I can’t be entirely happy that things turned out this way.”

  Alexis nodded. “Well, I have a deposition that I need to get ready for,” she said. “Good luck.”

  I left her office and, when I got into my car, I couldn’t decide how to feel. I was happy beyond belief, but the sacrifice that had to happen for this whole thing to go through was unacceptably high.

  This was the very definition of a Pyrrhic victory.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Louisa Garrison sat up straighter in her chair. That woman who had come in, that Harper woman, had unnerved her. Had maybe seen through her. She didn’t like that. She didn’t like anybody coming in to speak with her, anybody on the outside, that is.

  If that woman came back, Louisa decided that she simply wouldn’t let her on the grounds. Not in the church and not in any of the houses. That woman seemed unholy. Unclean. Like she didn’t care much for the Lord. Possibly even an atheist.

  She had seen that type of woman before. She was that type of woman before. Before she found this church, before she found God, she was unclean. She let women do things to her that were filthy, disgusting. Sometimes women that she didn't even know. She didn’t even know why she would have let that type of thing go on. She only knew that she did, and that she, at one time, actually enjoyed it. Sex. Doing bad things. With bad people.

  Thank God she found this place. The Reverend John took her in, as filthy and disgusting as she was, and gave her a home. Made her a part of things. He showed her around, showed her how things really could be. How she would be able to be seated at the right hand of the Father when she finally went to her just reward. She gave up all the women, and all the drugs after finding this Church. The Church of the Living Breath became her everything from the moment she set foot on the grounds.

  Some of the principles that she learned at the Church weren’t exactly principles that she thought that she would adopt in her old life. They taught her that, as a woman, she needed to be subservient to men. That was a hard one for her. The Church forbade her to do anything but to say yes to whatever a man wanted from her. Even when she got into an abusive relationship with Arnold, who was her current husband, the Church counseled her that she not only couldn’t leave him, but she had to take the beatings. She didn’t quite know why that would be so, but she knew that the Church knew best, so she acquiesced without question. If she didn’t, she might have fallen out of favor of the Reverend, and she couldn’t handle that. She couldn’t handle feeling that she might have to disappoint Reverend Scott, so she always did as she was told.

  She also knew that quite a few of the Church members had slaves at their homes. These were domestic slaves mostly, although some of the men took the slaves into their beds. Just like they used to do in the old South. Nobody really knew that slavery still existed, but it did – it was just kept extremely quiet. These slaves were generally people who were from other countries and were in this country illegally. They were desperate not to be found out by the authorities, so that was why they allowed themselves to become slaves. They would take care of the house, do all the cooking and cleaning and child care, and not earn a single dime. In fact, many of them were homeless. They only did
the slave work because the masters would feed them, and they were desperate for food.

  The Church encouraged this. Slavery was Biblical, after all. Ephesians 6:5 implored slaves to obey their earthly masters with fear and trembling and Titus 2:9 stated that slaves were to be submissive to their masters. If it was in the Good Book, then it was something that was in the Church’s teachings.

  Louisa didn’t like the way that Harper had talked to her. All that nonsense about people working on Sunday being executed. Of course that would never happen. What she didn’t like most of all, however, was that it made her question her commitment to the Church. Exodus 31:15 clearly says that work shall be done for six days, but the seventh day is a day of rest and worship, and whoever does work on the Sabbath is to be put to death. So why aren’t people executed if they work on the Sabbath? If the Bible is inerrant, then how can this not be a common practice?

  She shook her head, trying to dispel the doubts that sometimes quelled within her. She was doing the right thing. She did the right thing at all times. The right thing was defined by the Reverend, and she always did what the Reverend told her to do. Without questioning any of it. That was what was demanded of her, and that was what she gave. 100%. At all times.

  Even when the Reverend handed down to Louisa and all the counselors at the Church what he deemed his own Final Solution. He explained that Hitler had a Final Solution, and that it was wrong, because it targeted the wrong group of people. The Reverend had no love for the Jews, but he didn’t think that the Jews were the people who were destroying society. The people who were destroying society, explained the Reverend, were the perverts. The queers. The fags. The trannies. All of those people were making the society less pure. They were always parading themselves around – they had their own parades, and they had their own television programs. Society was tolerating them, and then society started to celebrate them.